Torn Between Right and Wrong
by x0-vindicated-0x
Summary: Shell settle for others, those who don't mean a thing to her, because the one she really wants to be with is unattainable, at least in her mind.' Oneshot Dasey


**Alright, so I haven't posted any fanfiction before. Never really got around to it I suppose. But today, I decided to. Not sure why but oh well. Wrote this in about an hour but tell me what you think please. Some feedback would be nice D**

**--**

**Disclaimer: Don't own the characters, the show.. any of it. Sad really.**

**--**

Casey McDonald was known, by most, for staying on the safe side. She rarely took risks, anything that would jeprodize her otherwise perfect and organized lifestyle. She had a way of overanalyzing everything that anyone said or did, tearing it down piece by piece and fitting it with every possible explanation or possibility, until she barely remembered what was said in the first place. She stayed strictly within the limits of her own strongly held ideas on what was acceptable, and what would keep her on everyones good side. She could never refuse someone asking for help, whether it be a friend, her mother, Lizzie, even sometimes Derek. She would study until she could recite the whole textbook backwards, just to have that extra A+ tagged to her. She'd set goals for herself, and work hard, and consistantly until they were achieved. She was never one to break the rules, unless absolutely necessary. She was Casey. She was what everyone expected her to be. And because she succeeded in fulfilling the requests and wishes of everyone around her, she was respected, and trusted. And she liked that. She liked being deemed as the responsible one, the trustworthy one. She had grown to be the one everyone turned to, even if it was often a hastle and a challenge to put everyone elses needs before her own. She'd do it anyway, because it was expected. Because that was who she was. That was the image, the persona, that she had to maintain.

But there someone who saw right through her flimsy facade. No matter how hard she tried to pretend that she was happy with who she was, there was one person who knew it was all a mask, to hide the real her. The side that wanted to loosen up every now and then. The side of her that wanted to have just one night where she didn't have to worry about studying, or about helping her mother out around the house. The side of her that wanted to have a day where she didn't have to act like the perfect role model, the example of perfection in which her younger siblings should follow. There was a side of Casey that just wanted to take a risk, and walk on the dangerous side for a while. To go to parties she shouldn't, to tell a few lies. She didn't want to have to worry about what was right and what was wrong. And one person knew all of that. The one person who could take her apart and put her right back together again was the one person who was often the object of her confusion between right and wrong.

Derek Venturi, her stepbrother and polar opposite, could always take one look at her and call 'bullshit' . He could always tell when she was acting through her conscience, through her logic and overanalyzed ideas, instead of through her heart. He could always tell the difference between what she wanted, and what she felt should be done. What she felt was right.

But with Derek, there was never a clear idea in her head between what was right and wrong. She knew what she wanted. She had always known what she wanted from him. Just as he had always known what he wanted from her. Their goals were one. They wanted each other. They had always wanted each other, no questions asked. There had never been a point in time where she had bothered trying to deny her feelings for him, because she knew they were there, and they were there to stay. She wanted to be with him. She wanted to be able to call Derek hers, and for him to call Casey his. She often daydreamed about being the girl who Derek would show off to the world. And Derek had offered her that choice, many times. He had told her, over and over again, on countless occasions, that he wanted her in the same ways she wanted him. He had told her that he was willing to give them a shot. And during those times, when he held her and tried to convince her that it was right, that they were right, she often believed him. She came so close to taking his words, and just accepting them, accepting that they were true. But it came down to the pure and simple fact that her thoughts and opinions could be easily warped and manipulated by his touch, his very presence. Her mind didn't seem to work correctly when she was with Derek, and that prevented her from giving in to him. She knew it would be wrong to act when her thoughts were so mixed up. And as much as he hated that, as much as he hated that she couldn't accept them just as easily as he had, he was willing to wait for her. He'd told her, over and over again, that he wouldn't give up on her just yet.

"Its not wrong Case." he tells her time and time again, as she fails to look into his eyes. She knows if she does, her thoughts will be even more manipulated than they already are. He tilts her chin at an attempt to look into her eyes, but its one he knows is useless. Her gaze remains fixed on anything but him. "You may think its wrong, but if you got that damn conscience of yours to shut up for a change, you'd realize that its not as bad as it seems. Its unconventional, maybe, yes. But it can't be wrong. I can only hope you'll realize that."

And she tries to realize it. Everytime he walks away from her, disappointed, but hopeful nonetheless, he leaves her with a handful of thoughts that she rather feels she should be used to by now. He leaves her feeling like maybe its worth the risk, the lies and the deception, just to be with him. To feel that undeniable feeling of being loved, of being secure and safe. The feeling of being with Derek, like shes always imagined, like shes always hoped for. She knows that she can't find it anywhere else. No matter how hard she searches, she'll never find that same feeling somewhere else. But at the same time, her mind screams at her not to give in to Derek. Shes worked hard to earn the level of respect she gets from those around her. Her mother, her stepfather, her siblings, her teachers. They all respect her for being Casey McDonald, the one who you can always count on to be reliable. What would they all think of her, if they found out she was messing around with her stepbrother? Surely that would tear down what shes worked so hard to obtain. Half of her doesn't care. Half of her knows that to be with Derek would be worth the consequences, worth the scorn and the million arguments that would surely follow the initial shock.

But its her everlasting uncertainty between right and wrong that will keep her from taking that final step between her and Derek. She'll continue to to tell herself that shes making the right choice by sticking to her first impressons, by staying on the safe side, where she knows she can't be judged. She'll tell herself that she can find what she needs in someone else, even though she knows that its a lie. She'll settle for others, those who don't mean a thing to her, because the one she really wants to be with is unattainable, at least in her mind. She'll try and convince herself that, in the end, her headstrong attitude will pay off, that she'll end up happy, even if shes not with Derek.

But in her heart, she knows better. And so does Derek. Hell always be able to see right through that mask she wears for everyone elses sake. Hell always be able to manipulate her thoughts, hell always be able to make her think hard about her own strongly held ideas and opinions. He'll always get so close to getting her to open up to him, then have it ripped away from him in a matter of seconds. In a turn of the head or a blink of the eye. But he knows its only a matter of time before she gives in to him. Only a matter of time before she accepts that Derek has been right all along, before she lets him have her just like she wants to have him. Because Derek knows her. He knows her well enough to realize that she won't be able to hide her feelings for him forever. He knows that she'll reach a point where all of the overachieving, and all of the perfection and organization will get to be too much for her, and she'll snap. And he'll be there to catch her when she falls.

Which is why he tells her, every time she rejects him, that he'll wait. He knows a lost cause when he sees one, and he knows when things are to the point that you just have to give up . But he knows that this isn't a lost cause. Her mind isn't totally made up. Shell battle a conflict between right and wrong everyday, but in the end, it'll come down to one simple fact. Sometimes, whats seems wrong to others, could be the most natural thing in the world to someone else. Derek had long ago accepted that, and he knew that it wouldn't be long until she too, started thinking through her heart instead of her conscience. And when she did, she'd finally open up , and let him in.

But until then, he'll wait. Wait for the struggle in her mind to come to an end. Wait for her to see, that he's been right all along.

---

**Hope you liked it. Let me know what you think. Doesn't that review button look tempting? D**


End file.
